


And he called him Nate

by mythoughtsaretroubled



Series: an unwise love story [1]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: M/M, No one can convince me otherwise, duke and nathan are exes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23597158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythoughtsaretroubled/pseuds/mythoughtsaretroubled
Summary: Nathan and Duke have a very complicated relationship, since they were kids.
Relationships: Duke Crocker/Nathan Wuornos
Series: an unwise love story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738252
Comments: 31
Kudos: 16





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know how anyone can watch Haven and not see that Nathan and Duke are exes, so here's my interpretation of their relationship. 
> 
> I'm hoping there will be three or four parts to this. . .but we will see. And if all goes well, it will end up as Nathan x Duke x Audrey.

Nathan thinks it would be less complicated if he and Duke were just enemies.

But his relationship with Duke had never been that simple.

Best friends in kindergarten, where they were completely inseparable, before their dads dragged them apart. They shared secrets and crayons, and always huddled in their own little corner. They swapped snacks when the teacher wasn’t looking and giggled over every inside joke. 

(”You’re my best friend, Nate,” he said.)

He called him Nate. 

Two years later, it was like they had never been friends. They were in separate classes for the first time and Duke made new friends. New friends who raced around the playground and changed rules of their games so they could kick out people they didn't like. Nathan hated them and hated Duke for it too. 

The day they all went sledding was the day Nathan knew Duke still cared. He still didn't know how Duke did it, carried him all the way to the hospital, but he chattered the whole way there, about the awesome sledding and his new jacket, never once mentioning the funny angle of Nathan's arm and all the blood.

(”I’ve got you, Nate, don’t worry.” he said.”)

Nathan was furious when he woke up and completely confused. He thought he would stay and wait for him, but he didn't even say goodbye.

But he called him Nate.

It was the next year that Nathan started to hate Duke. He became an easy target for bullying and Duke and his friends were always playing pranks. He never forgot the thumb tacks, not once, the look of horror on Carla Rose’s face haunting him. Nathan tried to be so careful, where he stepped, what was behind him, looking in mirrors constantly. He was worried he was a monster and Duke made it worse. What kind of person couldn’t feel? 

He avoided Duke, even when he could feel again.

("Come on, Nate, it’s only a joke, laugh a little!!” he said.) 

He still called him Nate. 

In middle school, they started having classes together again. 

Nate sat in the middle of the room, every room, always handing in his work. He had decent grades and a small group of friends who he liked well enough. Duke sat in the back of the class, making inappropriate comments, everyone laughing at all his jokes. He was trouble and he was the enter of attention. Nathan just faded away into the back. 

The pranks stopped, but the teasing was still there. It was quieter, never for laughs of their classmates, but close to his ear, waiting for Nathan. And Nathan wanted to look at him but he never did. Occasionally, there would be a hand on his back, a pat on the shoulder, and once a half hug and Nathan felt like he was on fire, too close to the sun and all he could feel was Duke. But he hated him and pushed him away, turning his back whenever he could. And he never looked him in the eyes. His mother said Nathan held grudges like his father, unfaltering and forever. Duke asked him to join a project with him. Nathan turned to the girl next to him and asked her to be his partner instead. Nathan felt satisfaction in the droop of Duke's shoulders when he walked away. 

("Nate, we should team up, just like old times," he said.) 

And he called him Nate again. 

Freshman year, Duke was everywhere. He sat in the seat right behind Nathan whenever they shared a class (poking him in the back), he sat at the table next to where Nathan was (his chair always banged into Nathan's), he would hang out on the bleachers during Nathan's track practices (just watching), and he was always in the halls (brushing past him). (Nathan felt most alive when they touched). Nathan couldn't avoid looking at Duke anymore. His eyes found him everywhere and Duke was always looking back. 

The first party he went to, he never forgot. He barely sipped from beer all night, drifting from corner to corner, avoiding everyone. And then there was Duke, looking far too serious for a party. Duke who grabbed his hand and pulled him into an empty room. And then, gently, very gently, pushed Nathan up against the door and kissed him. And Nathan kissed him back and they were so careful and but it was sloppy and their hands were everywhere and Nathan felt everything and felt the emptiness when he pulled away. 

("I've been thinking about doing that for a long time, Nate," he said before he walked out the door.) 

He loved the sound of his name on Duke's lips.


	2. Freshman Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan and Duke being complete disasters in high school, what else is new?

Nathan convinced himself his obsession with the kiss was because it was his first kiss and not because it was Duke Crocker. 

Nathan tried to avoid Duke at school, which proved impossible. They were practically tripping over each other, gravitating towards each other like magnets and all of his pent up frustration from years of this bizarre relationship came to a head. Nathan could no longer avoid Duke but started snapping at him, every time he whispered a comment under his breath and constantly in his face. 

Their classmates noticed. Nathan had never been the most friendly, but he had never been angry or mean. He was quiet. And Duke, everyone loved or hated Duke. The whispers started, whispers of what, Nathan would never know. But he all the sudden he heard buzzing around him, stares on the back of his neck, and there was pointing. All because of Duke. 

So when Duke tripped in the hallway, Nathan threw him into the lockers and punched him in the face. It was a short brawl that ended in suspension for both of them. (But Nathan felt his hands again). His father lectured him the next day. "Nathan, I may not be the biggest fan of the Crockers, you should not be punching people in the hallway for tripping you. That's a little extreme." 

He couldn't explain to his dad the building tension between them, how overwhelmed he was, just by being close to Duke, the heat he felt whenever he saw him. He could never think straight when it came to Duke. And the kiss, what did the kiss mean? And why had Duke done it? 

(When they got back to school, this is what Duke said: "I hope the next time you need to express your pent up frustration at me, we are alone.") 

He didn't call him Nate. 

Nathan was itching to feel Duke's touch again, but he had stopped. He still hovered, still made comments, but gone were the subtle touches and the annoying pokes, and Nathan wish he didn't feel the absence of Duke's touch but he did. He missed feeling safe around Duke, back when they were kids. He missed their stupid interactions. He wanted to be called Nate. 

His friends didn't like Duke, and while supportive, were confused by the fact that Nathan, their quiet Nathan, punched Duke in the middle of a school hallway. How could he explain when he didn't understand himself? 

Finally, summer rolled around and Nathan wouldn't have to see him every day at school, and Nathan might be able to breathe but then he went to the pool and saw Duke lying there, gorgeous, sprawled out like he didn't have a care in the world and- Nathan tried to get the image of him out of his head, wanting to ~~kiss~~ smack the smile off his face, ~~lick~~ punch every inch of his exposed torso, and just ~~touch~~ ~~stroke~~ push him. And then Duke winked at him. So Nathan turned around and left. 

"Nate!! Hey, NATE!!" When he turned around, there was Duke running towards him. 

"What do you want?" Nate's arms were crossed. 

"I just- I mean-" Duke was stammering. Was it because he was nervous? Why would he be nervous? Was it because of the fight? Or maybe even the kiss? 

"This summer could be different," Duke said. "We could be friends again." 

"You ruined our friendship," Nathan stalked off, "Not me." 

Duke grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards him. Nathan used to tower over Duke, but now they were almost the same height. 

"Nate," he whispered, and Nathan melted.


	3. Their First Summer

Nathan tried to be mad at Duke, but he couldn't, not with their bodies pressed together,when Nathan could feel so much. How could Nathan be mad when Duke whispered, "Come home with me," and took him by the hand and held it all the way. And when Duke in his room, trying to hide a look of fear on his face, stammering, "You don't have to stay," Nathan's heart remembered what it was like to hold Duke's. 

Nathan flopped down on the bed. "I'm staying."

Nathan didn’t know what he expected when he started hanging out with Duke. But he didn’t expect them to become friends again.

“What was it like, not being able to feel?” Nathan and Duke were lying in the sun, doing the kind of nothing only teenagers on summer break can do.

Nathan shuddered. “It was like I wasn’t even here. I didn’t feel real.” He shook his head. “This is going to sound stupid, I remember just really wanting my mom to hug me.”

Duke rolled over. Nathan could feel him stating at him and Nathan relished in how aware his body felt. And then he felt Duke move closer, and his arms were around Nathan and held him close and he felt safe.

They didn’t have sex and Nathan was both craving and dreading more of Duke’s touch. He loved being in bed with him, lazily making out, feeling every inch of each other’s body.

("Nate," he whispered.) 

After two weeks of just spending time with Duke, Nathan’s friends surprised him one day, dragging him to the pool. It was fun but he missed Duke, strange considering they had just become … .whatever they were to each other.

“Why didn’t you invite me?” Duke looked angry.

“It didn’t make sense.” Because it didn’t. How could he explain Duke? How could he share Duke? He couldn’t, so he said nothing else. Nathan didn’t stay very long for the rest of the day, feeling the tense silence and not being brave enough to break it.

Duke wasn’t at his house the next three days. Nathan was jittery, walking past his house every hour on the third day. He thought the first day was payback but the second and third felt even longer, stretched out and smothering him.

And then he was back, smiling pretending nothing was wrong, like they didn’t just lose a week of precious time together. But Nathan didn’t say anything, he didn’t want to know that Duke chose to avoid him for so long. He let himself be tugged on Duke’s bed, become lost in Duke and forget everything.

("Move over a little, Nate," Duke murmured into the back of his neck and his breath caught, just a little.) 

Then Duke brought beer and they got drunk. Nathan didn't like the beer, but he loved Duke's smile, which grew wider every time he took a sip. The two of them giggled and made out and fell asleep in the same bed for the first time. Nathan woke up with the worst headache, which only got worse when he returned home and his dad yelled at him. And he refused to tell him where he was. Duke was his secret. Duke was his. 

It wasn't the last time Duke disappeared that summer but it was the longest. They never talked about where he went, and Nathan never told him how much his heart ached when he was gone. So Nathan focused on the days they spent together, the meaningless conversations, the dumb games, the kissing. They had so much but it wasn't enough. And he didn't know what to ask for, how to ask for more. 

Nathan tricked himself into thinking he was content but then the school year started.


	4. Sophomore Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophomore of high school is even more complicated than freshman year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really starting to regret that I didn't plan this out. 
> 
> In which Nathan and Duke need therapy and continue to be their complicated selves.

Nathan didn't talk to Duke at school. They didn't have any classes together and Nathan hid during lunch. Duke would come up to him in the halls and Nathan would duck his head and walk around him. Nathan just didn't know what to do with him. The silence between them was a chasm he couldn't cross. What if Duke never wanted to see him again? Never touch him, never hold him, never talk to him? What if he wanted to continue this .. . thing? Was Nathan gay? Was Duke? Were they dating, could they be in love? But he was terrified of the answers Duke had, so Nathan kept his difference. Duke had dropped him before. He would do it again.

On the third week back, Nathan heard that Duke had a girlfriend and he punched a hole in his bedroom wall.

(He could imagine Duke's voice, filled with laughter, "I bet you wish you couldn't feel right now, Nate.") 

(He told only Duke that he missed it sometimes, how he remembered floating around, disconnected from the world but free. But how much he had craved touch in the dead of night, the warmth of his blankets, the hand holding his own, a breeze through his window. Nathan remembered not feeling like it was yesterday. And Duke's touch grounded him. But now there was no more Duke.)

And he couldn't focus, he was always thinking about Duke, looking at him when he saw him, listening to any word he said, any time his name was mentioned. His whole body was in tune to him, aching for his touch, craving any scrap of his attention. 

And that girl, Katie, was always with him, giggling, all the time, even at Duke's stupidest jokes. Duke touched her all the time. Holding hands, arms around her waste, and worst of all, kissing. In the hallways, in doorways, they even got caught under the bleachers. Nathan hated her. And he hated Duke even more. 

His friends noticed. They asked him why he hated Duke all the sudden. (He didn't even know if they were friends, he was only talking to them at school and they never talked.) He just shrugged. 

He didn't realized how wound he was until Duke ran into him in the hallways and Nathan slammed Duke into the wall and next thing he knew they were fighting and Nathan felt alive. It was familiar, fighting with him, touching him, and when Duke broke his nose, Nathan felt oddly satisfied.

("What the fuck, Nate," is what Duke said before he started hitting back and his name echoed in his mind.) 

Duke glared at Nathan during their detention and he was seen. 

And then it was another month after that, and then winter break, and Nathan was aching. But he reminded himself he didn't need Duke, would never need Duke, and maybe didn't even want Duke. So he bought a punching bag for his room. He had never been the most active or violent kid but he needed all his pent up energy to go somewhere. So he was ready when he got back to handle Duke. 

His jaw clenched when he heard about Duke and Katie's break up, his hands curled into fists when he heard people talking about who Duke made out with who at what party (never a boy and Nathan didn't know what to think of that) (did he matter less than the girls?) (was he a mistake?) (did Duke regret what they did?) (did Nathan?). And then he heard about Duke selling alcohol under the bleachers. And Nathan knew he couldn't report Duke. He should. But then no one would be there to protect Duke. And he might get expelled. And be gone forever. 

He cornered Duke after school, underneath the bleachers. 

"Looking for another fight, Nate? Cause I'm really not in the mood. I can schedule you in for sometime next week." Nathan's heart skipped at his nickname. 

"No," he huffed, trying to find the right way to say it. "I wanted to . . ." he scuffed his foot in the dirt. "I found out about your new side business. The teachers are going to find out soon. You have to stop, or you're going to be expelled." 

Duke smiled. Nathan think he saw him chuckle. "Nate, I'm touched you care but it doesn't matter." 

"Doesn't matter? This is your future, it matters, what are you going to do without a high school diploma? You can't go to college." Nathan felt his anger rise, threatening to explode out of him. 

Duke's face went hard. "I was never going to college. God, you're so oblivious." He moved to walk by Nathan so he grabbed his arm. 

"Nathan, I'm not fighting you." 

"I don't want to fight you either." Nathan could barely here, the blood was rushing in his ears and he was jittery again. 

"Then what do you want, Nate? And why should I stay in school, there's nothing here for me." 

And because Nathan was still terrible with words, he grabbed Duke's face and kissed him. Duke didn't even hesitate, his arms going around him and there was no space between them and Nathan missed this. When Duke drew back, just a fraction of an inch, Nathan said in his quietest voice, "Can you be careful at least?" 

Duke nodded. "Will you meet me here tomorrow?" 

How could Nathan say no? 

And the next day, there was Duke, under the bleachers, but he wasn't alone. Nathan stood and watched. Duke's friends were there. His loud friends, who Nathan had never cared for. He didn't even think they liked Duke, they just liked the mask they saw. And the booze.They were probably planning another prank meant to humiliate Nathan. It had been a while, but it was the same group of guys. And Duke would be at the head. 

Duke caught is eye and waved him over. Nathan just stood, waiting. So Duke ambled over. "What are you waiting for?" 

"I thought it would just be the two of us." His voice sounded sharp, even to his own voice. 

"Nah, I thought you could hang out with us." He sounded casual. 

"I'm good." He started to walk away. 

Duke walked next to him, keeping pace. "What, are you ashamed? It's okay when we are alone, but not in public? Don't want to be hanging out with white trash?" Duke sneered. 

"I didn't say that." 

"It was implied." 

And then they were face to face. Nathan's face was turned up a little, he always forgot Duke was taller than him. 

"I don't like them." He felt vulnerable saying that out loud. 

"Whatever, Nathan. I don't want to be your dirty, little secret." He wanted to grab him, kiss him again, but he couldn't not with people watching. 

Two weeks later, after avoiding everyone, he came home to find Duke sprawled out on his bed, sporting a black eye. 

"I thought you didn't want to be a secret." His voice was cautious. 

"Other people suck, Nate. It should be just you and me." And he was Nate again and he was with Duke and in that moment, he felt free.


End file.
